A day with friends

Yesterday was a really good day!

Nice weather and I got a day with friends just hanging out and talking about life and whats next. It was really nice and I realized that I miss hanging out with them a lot.

Our family life is full on, we have our three kids and weekends are often holy and it's often family time. During the week I pick the kids up a couple of hours before David comes home, then it's dinner and often after that bedtime.

During the week there just isn't time for much else, not right now anyways. The kids need their sleep and still goes to bed at 19. We get them up at 6 in the morning and they can still be very sleepy. Well, wonder how they will cope with after school activities when that time comes. They have one activity at sundays now.

Anyways, what I was getting at is that it was noce to have a little break, hang out with friends and just be me. But I still suffer from residue from my burn out/depression/anxiety so when I was just about to go out on the freeway I discovered that it was so much later than what I had planned so I parked the car and called D. I got a pretty bad anxiety attack for being late even though D ensured me everything was going to be okay, I would have time to see the kids before they went to sleep and that they could fix something else to eat (I was bringing dinner).

I just worked myself up over nothing and I had such guilty consience. It's not the 'me' that i used to be and it's so hard when you just... you're just not yourself.

When I got home everything was just fine, the kids had eaten and were playing in the living room. It's just that during these years I have had the feeling that I need to be present all the time and it is so hard to let myself do something just for me. But you need those moments too, like with me going to the gym three times a week to just feel better (haven't done that in a few weeks due to different day care diseases).

Hopefully soon it won't be that feeling of panic when I get a guilty concience cause that is hard and just throws me off my balance - and my balance is kind of wobbly right now!