Projecting my fears

I see all these pregnancy- and babypictures everywhere and it’s hard not to feel afraid for them!

My whole pregnancy with Freja all ultrasounds showed a healthy baby with good heartrate! After she was born she developed och progressed the way she should for the first 6 months! She was like any other child without a neurological condition. And still... she didn’t turn out like any other child!

I’m so glad that we are done with having kids - we have three beautiful hooligans and that is really more than enough! Having identical twins is a low procenter at 0,25 % chance, and both surviving is probably even less of a chance. Having a child with Frejas PTHS is for now around 1:100 000 so thats really low chance of that happening - and since neither of us were carriers, it was a spontanious mutation of the gene, I think that’s even more rare.

And to be honest pregnancy never agreed with me. I had hyperemesis both times, with the twins I hurled every day from morning until about 14 in the afternoon from week 7 til week 24 and then it started again about 1 month before they were born. With Freja I hurled at least once a day throughout the whole pregnancy. Both times I even hurled in the deliveryroom so that's another reason for me not to get pregnant again! Hahaha... I'm laughing now but it was awful!

That movie "What to expect" - that was me! I didn't like being pregnant at all and my diabetes didn't like it either. I didn't get that "glow" - it was just hard all the time. So I'm never gonna promote pregnancy as something "cozy" or "wonderful" but I wouldn't undo it! But for me it was hard nine months and afterwards my diabetes acted out for a little more than a year so that was hard work too.

It all sounds so negative now but my children are the results of that hard work so it was totally worth it!

We celebrated the twins last friday on international twin day, 2/2. They are so cute and they love when we do these little special moments with them. They argue sometimes but for most of the time they are best friends. They are curious, kind, loving, happy, and full of mischeif. They love music, dancing, training and vegetables (broccoli). They are constant supporters "what a nice jacket, mamma", "what a nice cardigan, grandpa", "dady, you are the greatest"! They are truly turning into wonderful individuals. #InternationalTwinDay

Freja is progressing aswell, but in her own time. Right now she is just standing against anything that gives her enough support to stand up. All the motorical progress seems to spark other progress and my biggest wish right now is for her to say "mamma" and "pappa". I just want that part of her to spark, for her to understand that if she calls "mamma" then I will come. Hopefully we will get that eventually but for right now I actually think walking will be her next big thing, and that would be truly amazing!


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