Feeling less guilty
I must admit that getting the genetic diagnosis for Freja has relieved my guilty conscience.
I was the one that was pregnant, I was the one who cared for her in my belly all those months. What if I ate something wrong or bad? What if I did something that effected her in some way? It's been really hard carrying all this around and now I couldn't have prevented this! It's a big relief for my conscience, I feel lighter!
We did some tests in week 13 of the pregnancy, in Sweden it's called KUB-test, and choose not to go ahead with amniotic tests or testning the placenta since everything seemed good! And now we know that even IF we did they wouldn't have found her diagnosis with that test cause they would've only tested for the most common diseases.
That however is a bit scary too that everything seemed okay but then it turns out that she has a pretty severe disability.
Going through everything that happened during my pregnancy I did recall one ultrasound, I did many due to my diabetes, when the nurse paused for a long time while looking at the babys head and I got worried and asked if something was wrong and she said no. And now I often wonder if she may actually have seen some abnormalities in her brain, which she has, but maybe not enough for concern!? I don't know but it haunts me sometimes!
Everything has changed but at the same time nothing at all! She is still our ray of sunshine and our little pickle and she is so loved by us, by our families and our friends, and also the kids at daycare. ❤️
A few days ago they've had music and been dancing at the daycare when one of the smaller kids took Frejas hands and danced with her while she was sitting on the floor! So cute I started crying when they told me! 😍